Friday, May 12, 2006

Men are running out!!! Or so it seems...
I am turning 24 this year and by most Arab standards that would probably mean I am towards the uhoh-getting-old-time-to-get-married age! Since most of my friends are in their late twenties, there is an unspoken panic regarding marriage and the lack of likable, decent men. The silent hopelessness in our conversations is very evident.

But even worse than that questioning looming over us marriage-age-girls is the pressure... Why are we being made to feel that we need to give every man who comes for us a chance in fear of him being the last man you will be introduced to? Why is it that a girl can't just say NO I AM NOT INTERESTED when she is introduced to someone she does not necessarily feel chemistry with? In the back of our minds our mothers' words are uttered - "give him a chance, there aren't many good men out there" or "hmmmmmmm you are getting older now honey... " and my personal favorite, "you know back in my day, we weren't so picky.. we just said yes to whomever our parents' approved of and we made the relatonship work". How many girls have I met who aren't necessarily crazy about a guy but are keeping in touch with him and building a relationship in hopes that "he will grow on me"... Why do we have to feel like the situation is forced, almost desperate? Are men running out?

6 Comments:

At 7:22 AM, Blogger Brave Heart said...

Dear Nura
i think you have touch a main poit in our live , who,when the person can be ready to get married,in our country allways the women are in the weak side becouse many reasons all of them concect to the culture,the age is one of the important reasons ,i will tell you one story happen with me to see how the people are care for the age without any reason ,i went to libya last january , all friends ,family members ,cousins ask me why you didnot marry tell now ,are you ill they asked me?do you have any problem ?you are 29 what you are waiting for?this is happen with me and i'm a man,think that i'm a women and i'm 29 and i didnt get married till this age what will happen.again its the problem of culture ,we might change these views by talking and thinking with loud voice,finally i hope you will find the right man for the rest of your life

 
At 11:50 AM, Blogger Highlander said...

Nura sweetie :) Welcome to the blogosphere I missed your wisdom very much.
I know what you mean walahi and I'm so tired about family trying to set me up. They finally realised that I will choose in my own good time . So yes there are plenty of men out there - just don't limit your horizons to a particular group only - ok :)

 
At 2:03 PM, Blogger removedalready said...

It's different now & different then. We are more independent these days. We may not plan to stay single for long but when the right time or right men comes along we will get married. We shouldn't be forced to marry someone we don't like. If we couldn't find someone, then it's just too bad. Would you want to share a man with another woman. Nope, not me.

 
At 12:42 AM, Blogger Trabilsia said...

Dear Daughters,(you're all my daughters' age I presume)
Getting married is a great responsability which you now have the choice of doing or not.When the right man comes along you will know immediately that it was meant to be.Never make such a decision in a hurry or be pressured into taking it. Wishing you all the best in finding a true partner who will treasure you for the rest of your lives.

 
At 3:24 PM, Blogger Nura said...

Thank you all for your comments! :) I find it quite humorous, somehow comforting but at the same time alarming that when talking to my Arab girlfriends (most of whom are in their late 20s) whose parents are quite conservative like mine, we realize that our mothers say the same things and have the same worries. On Friday night during a gathering I made a joke that there must be some mother's handbook of phrases and worries that we do not know about!!! In essence, I think all we all want is for our mothers (and fathers) to tell us that all is well and that we will meet him in due time - no rush, no worry... these things are meant to be natural and magical at the same time. When we add the element of pressure, things turn sour. And funnily enough, for those who do unconvincingly settle for the arranged scenarios - they may begin or end up resenting the situation even if they might have chosen him on their own out of their own free will! All our parents' fear does is eat away at them and cause us unnecessary strain and grief for a decision that should be magical, not frustrating. Sigh. :)

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Ahmed said...

Salams
Mashallah a very nice blog.
Please take a look at mine and link it up here if you think it of benefit.

 

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